Beyond the Bruises: Recognizing Abuse, Challenging Myths, and Supporting Survivors
This week, we are taking a brief pause from our burnout series to bring attention to another important topic: domestic violence. In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we want to use this space to increase awareness, challenge common misconceptions, and remind survivors that support is available. We’ll return to our burnout series next week.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a time to raise awareness, challenge stereotypes, support survivors, and remind our communities that domestic violence can affect anyone.
Domestic violence does not have one face, one gender, one age, or one type of relationship or household.
It can affect people of every gender identity, sexual orientation, age, race, culture, ability, income level, and background. It can occur in marriages, dating relationships, LGBTQIA+ relationships, teen relationships, older-adult relationships, and many different family structures.
It can also impact children and adolescents who are exposed to violence, intimidation, coercion, or abuse within the home, including in single-parent households. Abuse is not limited to one specific family structure or type of relationship.
One of the most important things we can do during Domestic Violence Awareness Month is broaden our understanding of what abuse can look like—and who may be affected by it.
Abuse Does Not Always Leave Bruises
When people hear the words “domestic violence,” they may immediately think of physical assault.
Physical violence is one form of abuse, but it is not the only one.
Domestic violence can also include emotional, psychological, sexual, financial, verbal, or digital abuse. In many relationships, abusive behavior may begin subtly and become more controlling over time.
Abuse may look like:
Monitoring someone’s phone, social media, messages, or location
Controlling access to money, transportation, work, or education
Telling someone what they can wear or who they can spend time with
Isolating them from friends, family, or other sources of support
Threatening, humiliating, intimidating, or frequently criticizing them
Using children or pets as a way to control or frighten someone
Pressuring or coercing someone sexually
Destroying belongings or punching walls during arguments
Repeatedly making someone question their memory, judgment, or reality
Threatening to expose someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity
Making someone feel responsible for the abusive person’s reactions
Creating an environment where someone feels they must constantly avoid saying or doing the “wrong” thing
A relationship does not have to become physically violent for the behavior to be harmful or abusive.
Domestic Violence Can Happen to Anyone
There are still harmful stereotypes about who can experience domestic violence.
Women are often centered in conversations about intimate partner violence because they experience significant rates of victimization. However, people of all genders can experience abuse.
Men can be survivors.
First responders and veterans can be survivors.
Transgender and nonbinary people can be survivors.
People in same-sex relationships can be survivors.
Teenagers can experience dating violence.
Older adults can experience abuse.
Children and adolescents can also be affected by violence or coercive behavior within the home.
People with disabilities may experience forms of control that specifically target their dependence on caregivers, transportation, medication, finances, communication, or accessibility needs.
Recognizing these experiences does not minimize anyone else’s. It helps create a community where more people can recognize unsafe behavior and feel able to seek support.
No one should feel that their age, gender, identity, family structure, or relationship status makes their experience less valid.
Why Leaving Is Not Always Simple
People sometimes ask, “Why didn’t they just leave?”
That question can unintentionally place responsibility on the person experiencing abuse rather than the person causing it.
Leaving an abusive relationship or household can be incredibly complicated.
Someone may be afraid of retaliation. They may worry about their children, pets, finances, housing, employment, immigration status, custody, or personal safety. They may still love the person harming them or hope that the situation will improve.
They may also have been isolated from their support system or convinced that no one will believe them.
For some survivors, the period surrounding separation can also carry additional safety concerns.
Instead of asking why someone stayed, a more helpful question may be:
“What made it difficult or unsafe for them to leave?”
Supporting survivors means respecting their autonomy and recognizing circumstances that may not be visible from the outside.
How to Support Someone Experiencing Abuse
You do not have to have the perfect words.
Sometimes the most meaningful thing you can do is listen without judgment.
You might say:
“I believe you.”
“You do not deserve to be treated this way.”
“I’m here for you.”
“You don’t have to make a decision right now.”
“How can I support you?”
"What do you need from me?"
These situations can be alarming, but pressuring someone to leave before they are ready or telling them what they “have to” do is not the answer. Instead, help them connect with trusted resources and support their ability to make informed decisions about their own safety.
Therapy Can Be Part of the Healing Process
The effects of domestic violence can continue long after an unsafe situation or relationship ends.
Survivors may experience anxiety, depression, grief, shame, hypervigilance, difficulty trusting others, low self-esteem, trauma responses, or uncertainty about their own judgment.
Therapy can provide a space to begin processing those experiences without judgment.
At Paths Align Counseling, we believe survivors deserve compassionate, affirming, trauma-informed care.
Healing may involve rebuilding trust in yourself, strengthening boundaries, processing trauma, reconnecting with your identity, developing healthier relationship patterns, and learning that safety and connection can exist again.
There is no single timeline for healing.
And you do not have to wait until you are in crisis to deserve support.
You Are Not Alone
Domestic Violence Awareness Month is about more than awareness.
It is also about creating communities where people feel safe speaking up, where survivors are believed, and where abuse is recognized regardless of someone’s gender, age, identity, family structure, or relationship type.
If something in your relationship or home makes you feel consistently afraid, controlled, isolated, threatened, or unsafe, your experience matters.
You deserve support.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788. As well as, your local shelter that supports victims of domestic violence. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911.
